Day 101

I won't be counting the days anymore. That's not healthy for me to be counting the days :/ especially when I'm trying to live on without him.

But anyway, it's been a long time since I last came on here. I have like, 5 different blogs so I forget easily.

The first month of the break up was the hardest.

For weeks, I cried myself to sleep whether I was howling like a wolf or silently crying; my pillow have never been that soaked before.

Eventually, the whole "let's be friends" thing didn't work out. My heart broke again when he told me we would never talk again and he requested for his things back. I gathered his things with a full intent of giving everything back but things didn't work out that way. I had to leave it behind because there wasn't any room to bring down his stuff. I still have it in a huge bag. After that conversation, I called my sister crying to her after a good month of not crying. I cried because what was said in the conversation made me feel like I was the worse person alive. I've never felt so low in my entire life. I didn't hear from him again until the day of my birthday (Dec. 15) He wished me a happy birthday... I didn't text back because I wanted to live up to his request of not talking to each other again. I mean, that's the least I could do for someone I love. You know that old saying, "If you love them, let them go".

I then heard from him again on new years eve. Again, I didn't want to text back because I wanted to respect his wishes on not talking ever again. I was strong and held myself back until it struck midnight. I had to wish him a happy new year back.

Every now and then,I'd get really sad if I see something that reminds me of him, like Bahn Mi Sandwiches, Spring rolls, hot dogs with rice, Hmong sausage... He and I made too many memories. I will never forget him no matter how much I convince myself.

No matter how strong I am, I can only act strong for so long.... eventually, I'll break.

It has been a long journey but I must continue to be strong.

"Sometimes the strongest people in the morning are the people who cried all night." <3 D.