Talking it out...

Last night, I couldn't take it anymore and called him. My heart was hurting and I wanted to hear his voice... It was the only thing that could make me feel better. It was painful talking to him but at the same time, I think it really helped me. We talked about us, I cried, and then we talked as friends. Although there's no chance of us getting back together anytime soon, just knowing he's there for me was good enough...even if its just as friends. I cried a little this morning on the bus. I still miss him but I think I am beginning to slowly accept this break up and move on. The first step to that was talking to someone. As a future health educator, I know the symptoms of depression and right now, I believe I am suffering from depression. I didn't want to be a hypocrite and not seek help so I took a huge leap and scheduled an appointment to see a counselor at school. It's free, so why not? My appointment is tomorrow. I'm a little excited to see how counseling will help me get through this difficult stage in life.

First night out as a single woman

Last night was my first night out with the girls as a single woman. We went to a local bar/club. It felt good going out without having someone tell you to "dont do anything stupid" but then I wished I had him to tell me "dont do anything stupid". The freedom of doing what I want with my girls felt great but at the end of the night, I felt sad and lonely because I didn't have him on the other line talking to me. There are good things and bad things about being in a relationship and not being in one. Right now,, I feel that I am not having fun at all without him with me. I saw a guy at the bar/club who looked a little like him...all I could think of was how stupid this single life is and how bad I just wanted to run to him and stay in cuddling with him under a blanket as he kiss my forehead. I don't want to go on with life without him by my side. I miss him so much. I'm trying to find a way to bring us back to each other. There's gotta be something... But I feel like I'm the only one trying to find a way to compromise and he's finding a way to get past this hard time.

Day 2

The promise ring given to me by him.

Today is day 2 since my love and I broke up. I don't know how long I'm going to keep count of the days but I thought it'd be a cool idea to blog about my experience with love, relationships, and break ups with whoever that may come across my blog.

Like I said, it's only day 2 and I'm missing him like crazy. He and I mutually broke up because we wanted different things in life. When I say life, I mean marriage. What was suppose to only be a conversation about our future as husband and wife, turned out to be the end of our love story. Our love was passionate, kind and pure but because of how different our lifestyle was, how we were raised and our different religion (Shaman, Christian), it had a big effect on our future. Now we are left to live our lives separately after almost two years.

God, I love this man so much. I want to be with him, and grow old with him... For now, he and I will remain friends and focus on our family and ourselves. If it is written in the stars that we are meant to be together, we will find a way back. Until then, I'll always love him, care for him, and miss him.

<3, D.